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> A QUESTION - RELATIONSHIP RELATED
Jay Luv
Posted: Mar 18 2010, 03:24 PM
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I HAVE A RELATIONSHIP QUESTION AND DECIDED TO POST IT HERE

LETS SAY IM IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE AND I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THEIR "BEST FRIEND" ALWAYS BEING AROUND OR NOT RESPECTING OUR PRIVACY. I LET THIS BE KNOW TO MY "SIGNIFICANT OTHER" AND NOTHING IS REALLY DONE ABOUT IT OR AT LEAST HANDLED THE WAY I WANT IT TO BE HANDLED. AND AT THE SAME TIME IM FEELING LIKE THIS "BEST FRIEND" IS IN COMPETION WITH ME OVER WHAT IS MINE (THE SIGNIFICANT OTHER) BY ALWAYS WANTING TO COME AROUND AND HANG OUT WHEN IM TRYNA CHILL WITH MINE. THE BEST FRIEND SEEMS ALRIGHT BUT IM NEVER TOO TRUSTING OF ANYONE CUZ FOLKS ARE SHADY..........I GUESS IM ASKING IF I SHOULD BE JELOUS, BLOW IT OFF AS NOTHING OR OPEN UP A CAN AND REALLY PUT THIS SHIT TO REST(LETTING IT BE KNOWN THAT IT BUGS THE SHIT OUTTA ME CUZ IM READY TO BLACK OUT) maryluvs_hmm.gif

YOUR THOUGHTS PLEASE maryluvs_grin.gif


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Luchiano
Posted: Mar 19 2010, 11:34 AM
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It depends on how long you've been in the picture over the best friend. I'd say that your "spouse" needs to learn how to balance the time between you two but if he was there first...you can't just expect him to totally change. Everything about this has to do with the amount of time in question.


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Jay Luv
Posted: Mar 22 2010, 10:38 AM
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QUOTE (LL Cool J @ Mar 19 2010, 10:24 AM)
It depends on how long you've been in the picture over the best friend. I'd say that your "spouse" needs to learn how to balance the time between you two but if he was there first...you can't just expect him to totally change. Everything about this has to do with the amount of time in question.

maryluvs_dead2.gif @ THE SPOUSE REMARK maryluvs_laughing.gif

AND NO I DON'T HAVE NEARLY AS MUCH TIME PUT IN SO..........I CAN UNDERSTAND WHERE YOUR COMING FROM......THANKS maryluvs_bye1.gif


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Titus
Posted: Mar 22 2010, 06:01 PM
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QUOTE (Jay Luv @ Mar 18 2010, 02:14 PM)
I HAVE A RELATIONSHIP QUESTION AND DECIDED TO POST IT HERE

LETS SAY IM IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE AND I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THEIR "BEST FRIEND" ALWAYS BEING AROUND OR NOT RESPECTING OUR PRIVACY. I LET THIS BE KNOW TO MY "SIGNIFICANT OTHER" AND NOTHING IS REALLY DONE ABOUT IT OR AT LEAST HANDLED THE WAY I WANT IT TO BE HANDLED. AND AT THE SAME TIME IM FEELING LIKE THIS "BEST FRIEND" IS IN COMPETION WITH ME OVER WHAT IS MINE (THE SIGNIFICANT OTHER) BY ALWAYS WANTING TO COME AROUND AND HANG OUT WHEN IM TRYNA CHILL WITH MINE. THE BEST FRIEND SEEMS ALRIGHT BUT IM NEVER TOO TRUSTING OF ANYONE CUZ FOLKS ARE SHADY..........I GUESS IM ASKING IF I SHOULD BE JELOUS, BLOW IT OFF AS NOTHING OR OPEN UP A CAN AND REALLY PUT THIS SHIT TO REST(LETTING IT BE KNOWN THAT IT BUGS THE SHIT OUTTA ME CUZ IM READY TO BLACK OUT) maryluvs_hmm.gif

YOUR THOUGHTS PLEASE maryluvs_grin.gif

I DONT THINK IT IS REALLY ABOUT THE AMOUNT OF TIME YOU HAVE BEEN IN THE RELATIONSHIP BUT THE AMOUNT OF RESPECT YOU AND YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER HAVE FOR EACH OTHER AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP. I HAVE LEARNED NOT TO PUT THINGS OFF AND LET IT FESTER AND BOTHER YOU. HOWEVER, ONE SHOULD NEVER RUSH TO JUDGMENT BUT ONE SHOULD NOT IGNORE THEIR INTERNAL GUT FEELINGS ABOUT THE SITUATION. ONES'S PERCEPTION MAY OR MAY NOT BE BASED ON TRUTH BUT IT HAS TO BE ADDRESSED IN A CLEAR AND HONEST MANNER.
I AGREE THAT YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER MUST LEARN HOW TO BALANCE HIS TIME BETWEEN YOU AND HIS BEST FRIEND. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU WANTING ALONE TIME WITH YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER TO CHILL WITHOUT HIS BEST FRIEND WANTING TO BE IN THE MIXED. YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER SHOULD UNDERSTAND THIS. I DONT KNOW HOW YOU SHOULD ADDRESS THIS SITUATION. BUT I DO KNOW IS THAT IF YOU WANT A LASTING AND NUTURING RELATIONSHIP YOU MUST HAVE OPEN AND HONEST COMMUNICATION AND TRUST.
I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU. IS YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER'S BEST FRIEND IN A RELATIONSHIP OF HIS OWN? IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP RELATIVELY NEW?
YOU SHOULD ALWAYS APPROACH THE SITUATION WITH CONFIDENCE EVEN IF YOU ARE AFRAID. RELATIONSHIP ARE BUILT AND STRENGTH OVER TIME. GOOD LUCK.
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Jay Luv
Posted: Mar 23 2010, 09:58 AM
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QUOTE (Titus @ Mar 22 2010, 04:51 PM)
QUOTE (Jay Luv @ Mar 18 2010, 02:14 PM)
I HAVE A RELATIONSHIP QUESTION AND DECIDED TO POST IT HERE

LETS SAY IM IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE AND I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THEIR "BEST FRIEND"  ALWAYS BEING AROUND OR NOT RESPECTING OUR PRIVACY.  I LET THIS BE KNOW TO MY "SIGNIFICANT OTHER" AND NOTHING IS REALLY DONE ABOUT IT OR AT LEAST HANDLED THE WAY I WANT IT TO BE HANDLED.  AND AT THE SAME TIME IM FEELING LIKE THIS "BEST FRIEND" IS IN COMPETION WITH ME OVER WHAT IS MINE (THE SIGNIFICANT OTHER) BY ALWAYS WANTING TO COME AROUND AND HANG OUT WHEN IM TRYNA CHILL WITH MINE.  THE BEST FRIEND SEEMS ALRIGHT BUT IM NEVER TOO TRUSTING OF ANYONE CUZ FOLKS ARE SHADY..........I GUESS IM ASKING IF I SHOULD BE JELOUS, BLOW IT OFF AS NOTHING OR OPEN UP A CAN AND REALLY PUT THIS SHIT TO REST(LETTING IT BE KNOWN THAT IT BUGS THE SHIT OUTTA ME CUZ IM READY TO BLACK OUT) maryluvs_hmm.gif

YOUR THOUGHTS PLEASE maryluvs_grin.gif

I DONT THINK IT IS REALLY ABOUT THE AMOUNT OF TIME YOU HAVE BEEN IN THE RELATIONSHIP BUT THE AMOUNT OF RESPECT YOU AND YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER HAVE FOR EACH OTHER AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP. I HAVE LEARNED NOT TO PUT THINGS OFF AND LET IT FESTER AND BOTHER YOU. HOWEVER, ONE SHOULD NEVER RUSH TO JUDGMENT BUT ONE SHOULD NOT IGNORE THEIR INTERNAL GUT FEELINGS ABOUT THE SITUATION. ONES'S PERCEPTION MAY OR MAY NOT BE BASED ON TRUTH BUT IT HAS TO BE ADDRESSED IN A CLEAR AND HONEST MANNER.
I AGREE THAT YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER MUST LEARN HOW TO BALANCE HIS TIME BETWEEN YOU AND HIS BEST FRIEND. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU WANTING ALONE TIME WITH YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER TO CHILL WITHOUT HIS BEST FRIEND WANTING TO BE IN THE MIXED. YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER SHOULD UNDERSTAND THIS. I DONT KNOW HOW YOU SHOULD ADDRESS THIS SITUATION. BUT I DO KNOW IS THAT IF YOU WANT A LASTING AND NUTURING RELATIONSHIP YOU MUST HAVE OPEN AND HONEST COMMUNICATION AND TRUST.
I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU. IS YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER'S BEST FRIEND IN A RELATIONSHIP OF HIS OWN? IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP RELATIVELY NEW?
YOU SHOULD ALWAYS APPROACH THE SITUATION WITH CONFIDENCE EVEN IF YOU ARE AFRAID. RELATIONSHIP ARE BUILT AND STRENGTH OVER TIME. GOOD LUCK.

maryluvs_hmm.gif EVERYTHING YOU SAID MADE ALOT OF SENSE. WHENEVER I GO WITH MY INTERNAL GUT FEELINGS AND SPEAK ON IT........IM LOOKED AT AS BEING CRAZY OR SOMETHING OR IM TOLD IM BLOWING THINGS OUT OF PROPORTION. I CANNOT IGNORE A GUT FEELING AND TRY NOT TO LET THINGS FESTER BUT I HAVE TO BE CAREFUL HOW I MOVE BECAUSE AT THE SAME TIME IM "HOT HEADED" AND CAN TAKE THINGS TO AN ENTIRELY OTHER LEVEL. SO I USUALLY TRY TO SIT BACK AND SURVEY THE SITUATIION FIRST BEFORE I DIG IN AND I REALLY DON'T WANT TO "OVER REACT". AND TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION.......THE RELATIONSHIP IS NOT NEW BUT WE HAVE RECENTLY TAKEN IT TO ANOTHER LEVEL AND IM NOT USED TO THE "BEST FRIEND" BEING AROUND SO MUCH (LIKE LAST NIGHT HE CAME THRU WE SAID WE WERE GOING OUT TO EAT AND WHEN WE GOT BACK HE WAS WAITING OUTSIDE WHEN WE PULLED UP maryluvs_brow.gif ) SO I CAN SEE WHERE THIS IS HEADED....THEY HAVE BEEN FRIENDS FOR OVER TEN YEARS AND YES THE BEST FRIEND IS IN A FAIRLY NEW RELATIONSHIP

A Keys said it best.........

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmZfi46AuJA maryluvs_whistling.gif


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Titus
Posted: Mar 23 2010, 01:00 PM
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QUOTE (Jay Luv @ Mar 23 2010, 08:48 AM)
QUOTE (Titus @ Mar 22 2010, 04:51 PM)
QUOTE (Jay Luv @ Mar 18 2010, 02:14 PM)
I HAVE A RELATIONSHIP QUESTION AND DECIDED TO POST IT HERE

LETS SAY IM IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE AND I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THEIR "BEST FRIEND"  ALWAYS BEING AROUND OR NOT RESPECTING OUR PRIVACY.  I LET THIS BE KNOW TO MY "SIGNIFICANT OTHER" AND NOTHING IS REALLY DONE ABOUT IT OR AT LEAST HANDLED THE WAY I WANT IT TO BE HANDLED.  AND AT THE SAME TIME IM FEELING LIKE THIS "BEST FRIEND" IS IN COMPETION WITH ME OVER WHAT IS MINE (THE SIGNIFICANT OTHER) BY ALWAYS WANTING TO COME AROUND AND HANG OUT WHEN IM TRYNA CHILL WITH MINE.  THE BEST FRIEND SEEMS ALRIGHT BUT IM NEVER TOO TRUSTING OF ANYONE CUZ FOLKS ARE SHADY..........I GUESS IM ASKING IF I SHOULD BE JELOUS, BLOW IT OFF AS NOTHING OR OPEN UP A CAN AND REALLY PUT THIS SHIT TO REST(LETTING IT BE KNOWN THAT IT BUGS THE SHIT OUTTA ME CUZ IM READY TO BLACK OUT) maryluvs_hmm.gif

YOUR THOUGHTS PLEASE maryluvs_grin.gif

I DONT THINK IT IS REALLY ABOUT THE AMOUNT OF TIME YOU HAVE BEEN IN THE RELATIONSHIP BUT THE AMOUNT OF RESPECT YOU AND YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER HAVE FOR EACH OTHER AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP. I HAVE LEARNED NOT TO PUT THINGS OFF AND LET IT FESTER AND BOTHER YOU. HOWEVER, ONE SHOULD NEVER RUSH TO JUDGMENT BUT ONE SHOULD NOT IGNORE THEIR INTERNAL GUT FEELINGS ABOUT THE SITUATION. ONES'S PERCEPTION MAY OR MAY NOT BE BASED ON TRUTH BUT IT HAS TO BE ADDRESSED IN A CLEAR AND HONEST MANNER.
I AGREE THAT YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER MUST LEARN HOW TO BALANCE HIS TIME BETWEEN YOU AND HIS BEST FRIEND. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU WANTING ALONE TIME WITH YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER TO CHILL WITHOUT HIS BEST FRIEND WANTING TO BE IN THE MIXED. YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER SHOULD UNDERSTAND THIS. I DONT KNOW HOW YOU SHOULD ADDRESS THIS SITUATION. BUT I DO KNOW IS THAT IF YOU WANT A LASTING AND NUTURING RELATIONSHIP YOU MUST HAVE OPEN AND HONEST COMMUNICATION AND TRUST.
I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU. IS YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER'S BEST FRIEND IN A RELATIONSHIP OF HIS OWN? IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP RELATIVELY NEW?
YOU SHOULD ALWAYS APPROACH THE SITUATION WITH CONFIDENCE EVEN IF YOU ARE AFRAID. RELATIONSHIP ARE BUILT AND STRENGTH OVER TIME. GOOD LUCK.

maryluvs_hmm.gif EVERYTHING YOU SAID MADE ALOT OF SENSE. WHENEVER I GO WITH MY INTERNAL GUT FEELINGS AND SPEAK ON IT........IM LOOKED AT AS BEING CRAZY OR SOMETHING OR IM TOLD IM BLOWING THINGS OUT OF PROPORTION. I CANNOT IGNORE A GUT FEELING AND TRY NOT TO LET THINGS FESTER BUT I HAVE TO BE CAREFUL HOW I MOVE BECAUSE AT THE SAME TIME IM "HOT HEADED" AND CAN TAKE THINGS TO AN ENTIRELY OTHER LEVEL. SO I USUALLY TRY TO SIT BACK AND SURVEY THE SITUATIION FIRST BEFORE I DIG IN AND I REALLY DON'T WANT TO "OVER REACT". AND TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION.......THE RELATIONSHIP IS NOT NEW BUT WE HAVE RECENTLY TAKEN IT TO ANOTHER LEVEL AND IM NOT USED TO THE "BEST FRIEND" BEING AROUND SO MUCH (LIKE LAST NIGHT HE CAME THRU WE SAID WE WERE GOING OUT TO EAT AND WHEN WE GOT BACK HE WAS WAITING OUTSIDE WHEN WE PULLED UP maryluvs_brow.gif ) SO I CAN SEE WHERE THIS IS HEADED....THEY HAVE BEEN FRIENDS FOR OVER TEN YEARS AND YES THE BEST FRIEND IS IN A FAIRLY NEW RELATIONSHIP

A Keys said it best.........

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmZfi46AuJA maryluvs_whistling.gif

MAN I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT. BUT DONT MAKE THE MISTAKE OF OVERLY ANALYZING EVERYTHING AND MAKING EXCUSES FOR PEOPLE. ACCEPT IT FOR WHAT IT IS, GOOD OR BAD AND DEAL WITH IT HONESTLY. YOU MUST BE ABLE TO CONTROL YOUR TEMPER AND NOT BE A HOT HEAD, IF NOT THAN YOU WILL ALWAYS IN UP BEING THE VICTIM AND LOOKING CRAZY. THAT WILL TAKE TIME, EXPERIENCE AND MATURITY.
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING JEALOUS. WE HAVE ALL EXPERIENCE JEALOUSY ONE TIME OR ANOTHER IN OUR LIFE. HOWEVER, DONT ALLOW IT TO CONSUME YOU. RECOGINIZE IT AND DEAL WITH IT. EASIER SAID THEN DONE. I KNOW BUT YOU CAN DEAL WITH IT.
ALSO, AS LONG AS THE FRIENDSHIP BETWEEN YOUR BOYFRIEND AND HIS BEST FRIEND IS TRANSPARENT THEN YOU SHOULD BE SECURE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP. BEGIN TO HAVE QUIET TALKS WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND REGARDING YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT THE AMOUNT OF TIME HIS FRIEND WANTS TO COME OVER. LET HIM KNOW HOW ARE WE GOING TO BUILD A SECURE AND STRONG RELATIONSHIP IF WE MUST ALWAYS HAVE SOMEONE ELSE IN THE MIX. YOU CAN ONLY LET YOUR BOYFRIEND KNOW HOW YOU FEEL AND SEE HOW HE HANDLES IT. TRY TO GET HIM TO SEE THINGS FROM YOUR PERSPECTIVE SOMETIMES. YOU ARE NOT GOING TO ACCOMPLISH THIS BY SHOUTING AND BEING ANGRY. TALK TO HIM WITH CONFIDENCE, HONESTY AND PASSION.
IT MIGHT BE A GOOD IDEA TO SUGGEST TO YOUR BOYFRIEND THAT HIS BEST FRIEND SHOULD COME OVER WITH HIS BOYFRIEND AND THE FOUR OF YOU HANGOUT OR GO TO DINNER AND CHILL. IT IS ALWAYS GOOD TO SIZE UP YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER FRIENDS. YOU ARE NOT GOING TO LIKE ALL OF HIS FRIENDS AND VICE VERSA. YOU DONT HAVE TO.
FRIENDSHIPS ARE IMPORTANT. IT IS NOT A MATTER OF CHOOSING YOU OVER HIS FRIENDS. BUT A MATTER OF RESPECT AND WHAT KIND OF A RELATIONSHIP THE TWO OF YOU WANT.
ALSO, MAKE NEW FRIENDS TOGETHER. WHAT ABOUT YOUR BEST FRIEND? DOES HE OR SHE COMES AROUND OFTEN? SEEK OUT LIKE MINDED COUPLES AND BE CAREFUL OF ALWAYS HAVING AND BECOMING FRIENDS WITH ONLY SINGLE PEOPLE. I THINK ONE NEEDS A VARIETY OF FRIENDS.
LOVE IS EXQUISITE, CHALLENGING, REWARDING, PROBLEMATIC, HURTFUL AND WORTH ALL THE THINGS THAT LOVING SOMEONE ENTAILS. BE HAPPY!
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Jay Luv
Posted: Mar 23 2010, 02:18 PM
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^^^^MY FRIENDS AND BEST FRIEND KNOW EXACTLY HOW I AM SO IF IM CHILLIN OR DONT WANT TO BE BOTHERED......I LET IT BE KNOW THEREFORE I DON'T HAVE THAT PROBLEM WHEN IT COMES TO MY PEEPS. WE ALL HAVE AN UNDERSTANDING AND RESPECT EACH OTHERS TIME AND SPACE (FOR THE MOST PART maryluvs_giggle.gif ) BUT MY OTHER HALF IS NOT THAT TYPE (DOESN'T WANT TO OFFEND PEOPLE maryluvs_rolleyes0.gif ) AND WILL WELCOME FOLKS EVEN WHEN HE DOESN'T WANT TO REALLY DEAL WITH THEM. WE HAVE ALL HUNG OUT AND CHILLED BUT THEY SEEMS TO BE A LITTLE ON THE IMMATURE SIDE SO IM USUALLY KINDA LIKE maryluvs_rolleyes0.gif WHEN IT COMES TO THEM. BUT YOUR RIGHT......COMMUNICATION AND RESOPECT CAN GO A LONG WAY. I APPRECIATE YOUR WORDS MAN maryluvs_happy.gif AND I WILL TAKE HEED TO ALOT OF WHAT YOU SAID


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Titus
Posted: Mar 24 2010, 11:45 AM
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QUOTE (Jay Luv @ Mar 23 2010, 01:08 PM)
^^^^MY FRIENDS AND BEST FRIEND KNOW EXACTLY HOW I AM SO IF IM CHILLIN OR DONT WANT TO BE BOTHERED......I LET IT BE KNOW THEREFORE I DON'T HAVE THAT PROBLEM WHEN IT COMES TO MY PEEPS. WE ALL HAVE AN UNDERSTANDING AND RESPECT EACH OTHERS TIME AND SPACE (FOR THE MOST PART maryluvs_giggle.gif ) BUT MY OTHER HALF IS NOT THAT TYPE (DOESN'T WANT TO OFFEND PEOPLE maryluvs_rolleyes0.gif ) AND WILL WELCOME FOLKS EVEN WHEN HE DOESN'T WANT TO REALLY DEAL WITH THEM. WE HAVE ALL HUNG OUT AND CHILLED BUT THEY SEEMS TO BE A LITTLE ON THE IMMATURE SIDE SO IM USUALLY KINDA LIKE maryluvs_rolleyes0.gif WHEN IT COMES TO THEM. BUT YOUR RIGHT......COMMUNICATION AND RESOPECT CAN GO A LONG WAY. I APPRECIATE YOUR WORDS MAN maryluvs_happy.gif AND I WILL TAKE HEED TO ALOT OF WHAT YOU SAID

WISHING YOU THE BEST. ONE LAST THING. I THINK IT IS GOOD TO ESTABLISH APPROPRIATE BOUNDARIES FOR YOUR FRIENDS AND PEOPLE IN GENERAL. SOME PEOPLE GET A LITTLE TO COMFORTABLE AND THINK THAT THEY HAVE A RIGHT TO SAY WHAT THEY WANT AND TO COME AND GO AS THEY PLEASE. I DONT MIND OFFENDING PEOPLE IF THAT IS WHAT IT TAKES TO LET THEM KNOW THAT THEY MUST COME CORRECT. INTERGRITY CAN NOT BE COMPRISED. AGAIN I WISH YOU YOU THE BEST. REMAIN LEVEL HEADED AND THINK THINGS THROUGH AND THEN ACT DECISIVEFULLY.
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